Everyone Believes What They Want To Believe
Every belief you hold—whether religious, political, philosophical—is one you’ve chosen because, at some level, you believe it works for you. Or at least, you think it does.
Nobody is forcing you to believe anything.
Every belief you hold—whether religious, political, philosophical—is one you’ve chosen because, at some level, you believe it works for you. Or at least, you think it does.
I know that sounds harsh. It might even sound like I’m accusing you (or myself) of being intellectually dishonest. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying that belief is more personal than we often admit.
I know this because I’ve lived it.
The Stories We Tell Ourselves
For the first part of my life, I was a devout evangelical Christian and a pastor. That belief system gave me meaning. It gave me certainty. It gave me a community.
And for a long time, it worked. Until it didn’t.
Over time, I started asking questions—questions that weren’t welcome in some of my circles. I saw contradictions. I felt tension between what I was supposed to believe and what my heart, experience, data, and even scripture seemed to be telling me.
I was very careful who I discussed my questions with for a long time. Why? Because belief isn’t just about facts—it’s about identity. And for me, at that stage of my life, it was also about survival.
Faith wasn’t just personal—it was my career. My paycheck depended on it. My entire network, my reputation, my ability to provide for my family—everything was wrapped up in the beliefs I had always held.
If my faith evolved, what would happen to my job? Would I even be employable? Would I lose the community and career I had spent years building?
That’s the unspoken pressure so many people feel when they start to question. It’s not just an intellectual exercise—it’s a risk. And when belief is tied to security, the stakes are even higher.
But the words of Jesus himself helped me see that questioning isn’t a failure—it’s part of the process.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." — Matthew 7:7-8
Jesus never told people to stop seeking. He believed in a God who could handle your doubts.
And just in case anyone worried that questioning might push God away, Jesus continued:
"Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" — Matthew 7:9-11
Jesus wasn’t just tolerating the doubts of his early followers—he was inviting them. Encouraging them. He compared seeking truth to a child asking their father for food. It’s not an act of betrayal—it’s an act of trust.
That realization changed everything for me.
The Beliefs We Hold Onto (Even When They No Longer Serve Us)
I’m not here to deconstruct your faith or tell you what you should or shouldn’t believe. What I am here to tell you is this:
You have more agency in your beliefs than you think.
Most of us assume we believe what we believe because it’s true. But if we’re honest, we also believe it because it’s comfortable. Because it makes us feel safe. Because it explains the world in a way that protects us from uncertainty.
And when a belief stops serving us—when it starts to feel misaligned or heavy or impossible—we don’t always let it go. Instead, we cling even harder.
We tell ourselves we’re just not being faithful enough. That we need to pray more, study more, try harder. That if we let go, we’re betraying something—or someone.
And so we stay. Not because we’re convinced, but because we’re afraid.
The Trap of Whataboutism
If you’ve ever been in a debate—political, religious, or otherwise—you’ve probably seen this play out:
"Your candidate is corrupt."
"Well, what about yours? They’re corrupt too!""Your side has lied about this issue."
"Oh yeah? Well, your side has lied about plenty of things!""That policy is harmful."
"What about the policies your party supports?"
This is called whataboutism, and it’s one of the biggest red flags that someone is questioning their own beliefs but isn’t willing to admit it.
Instead of honestly wrestling with whether what they believe is true, they default to, “Well, the other side is just as bad.”
At its core, whataboutism is a defense mechanism. It’s a way to avoid facing the discomfort of realizing that maybe, just maybe, we don’t fully believe what we say we believe. It allows us to stay planted in a belief system that feels shaky, as long as we can point to the flaws of the “other side.”
I get it. Letting go of certainty is hard. Questioning something we’ve believed for a long time—especially if it’s tied to our identity—feels dangerous.
But here’s the thing: The flaws of someone else’s belief system do not justify the flaws in our own.
Just because someone else is wrong doesn’t mean we’re right. Just because their belief has holes doesn’t mean ours is solid.
What if, instead of retreating into defensiveness, we used those moments to pause? To ask ourselves, Why am I responding this way? What am I afraid to admit? What if I allowed myself to be truly honest about what I believe?
Because refusing to ask those questions doesn’t make our beliefs stronger. It just makes them more fragile.
Nobody Is Making You Believe Anything
If you’re feeling trapped in a belief system, I want you to hear this:
You are free.
No one is forcing you to believe anything. No one is holding a gun to your head saying, “You must think this way.”
You are choosing. Every day, you are choosing.
And that means you can choose something else if it no longer aligns with who you are.
It doesn’t have to be overnight. It doesn’t have to be dramatic. But it does have to be honest.
I know that for some of you, reading this might be unsettling. Maybe you’ve followed my journey for years, and it’s hard to hear me talk about faith and belief in this way.
Please know this: I’m not here to tear down anyone’s faith. If your faith brings you peace, purpose, and love for others, I have nothing but admiration for that.
But I also know that faith—real faith—has to be honest.
What If You Let Yourself Be Honest?
What if, instead of trying to force yourself to believe what you’re “supposed to” believe…
…you let yourself admit that you have questions?
Because here’s the truth:
Your worth is not tied to what you believe.
Your value is not dependent on getting it all right.
You are not betraying yourself by evolving.
In fact, you might be finding yourself for the first time.
And at the end of the day, everyone believes what they want to believe—including me. And including you.
The real question is: Are your beliefs leading you toward freedom, growth, and love? Or are they keeping you stuck?
That’s something only you can discover when you’re ready.
And if you’re not ready, it’s okay.
*I know this will make some of you wonder what I believe these days. I am still a Christian, though a very different kind of Christian than I used to be. I talk about a lot of what I believe about life and purpose here, but I don’t talk as much about my personal faith and religious beliefs. I talk about that more on my TikTok channel if you’re interested.
So good Joe. Such wisdom. I feel it!
Love this, brother, spot on! Thank you