The Life-Changing Power of An Alternative Story
We are all living with stories about ourselves that we have created over time. Some of them are no longer serving us. It's time to tell yourself a better alternative story so that change can come.
The Austrian philosopher Ivan Illich was once asked what the best way to seek change in the world was - was it through violent revolution or gradual reform? His response has served as a north star for my heart since the day I read it over twenty years ago:
“Neither revolution nor reformation can ultimately change a society rather you must tell a new powerful tale, one so persuasive that it sweeps away the old myths and becomes the preferred story, one so inclusive that it gathers all the bits of our past and our present into a coherent whole, one that even shines some light into the future so that we can take the next step… If you want to change a society, then you have to tell an alternative story.”
This is true in social movements but also true in any situation where a group of people change. They start to believe a new story.
It isn’t just a communal truth. It’s true for individuals as well.
You will not change until you accept an alternative story for your future.
Read that again, please:
You WILL NOT change until you accept an alternative story for your future.
Our personal stories get truncated over time into short statements like…
I’m a dad. I’m an entrepreneur. I’m a historian. I’m a Marine. I’m a grandma. I’m a progressive. I’m a Steelers fan. I’m conservative. I’m a country boy. I’m a 12th level wizard in my online DND group. I’m a college dropout. I’m just a housewife. I’m a loser at love. I’m nobody special.
These statements are shortcuts to formative stories we believe about ourselves. Of course, we are way more than any of these mini-stories we tell. We know that, but we have a way of boxing ourselves into the primary stories we tell about ourselves.
Our current self-identifying stories are threatened by alternative ones. These alternative stories are things we deeply want to be true, but we don’t let ourselves believe enough for them to take hold. Stories like…
I’m worthy of love. I’m an artist. I’m disciplined. I have a vision for my neighborhood. I am a published author. I make time for my family. I inspire younger people to go after their dreams. I’m joyfully sober. I know my calling. I am happy with who I am. I radiate peace and kindness.
Whatever it is for you, you can change. You can become exactly who you want to be. It starts with one massively simple, incredibly difficult decision:
You have to believe this new story is true about you.
That will allow this alternative story that you want to experience to begin its first chapter in your life.
I can’t do it for you. You have to choose it. Only you can do it.
You can do it today or tomorrow or next year, or a decade from now.
But know the day that you do, your alternative story begins.
Brother Joe—this is deep dharma. The early Christians called it metanoia: a change of mind so radical it births a new life. The mystics would add—don’t just believe a better story. See through the false one. The freer you are from the old spell, the lighter the pen in your hand. Then the new story writes itself—line by luminous line.
—Virgin Monk Boy
How do you caution someone who believes a lie as an alternative story, and may even believe it with all their heart?