The Shadow Series Part 2: Meeting the Shadow.

Your shadow is you. Not the whole you. But a real part of you. The more you run from it, the more power it has over you. The more you pretend it’s not there, the more it drives your decisions.

This post is part of the Shadow Series — a five-part journey into the hidden, buried, and often painful parts of our personal stories. These aren't just metaphors. They're the real moments we live through—where transformation begins.

1. The Belly of the Whale
2. Meeting the Shadow (you’re here)
3. The Dark Night of the Soul
4. The Depths
5. Reintegration and Rebirth

Meeting the Shadow

About seven years ago, I had lunch with my friend Steve at an Irish pub.

Steve is someone I’ve always enjoyed—a self-aware neurotic perfectionist, funny, really smart. The kind of guy I naturally want to like me. Years earlier, he’d helped me and some friends launch a storytelling nonprofit that took off quickly. He worked harder than all of us—building the website, editing several blogs a day for over a year.

Eventually, he burned out.

The whole thing evolved into something new and good, but Steve and I both moved on. We stayed in touch, though. And during that lunch, he brought something up.

A pattern he’d seen in me.

“I’ve been thinking about the best way to say this,” he said.
“Because I don’t want you to beat yourself up too badly…
but I feel like you’re kind of a benevolent con artist.”

As soon as the words left his mouth—nothing had ever felt more true.

It wasn’t meant to wound me. It was said with kindness and precision. He wanted to move forward in our friendship. But it hit me hard.

Because he wasn’t pointing out just a pattern.

He was calling out my shadow.

See, I’ve always been afraid of being fake. Inauthentic. It’s my forever wound. And I’ve built a whole reputation on honesty and transparency. I’m known for it.

But Steve saw through it. He saw that I had a knack for casting a vision and getting people excited—and then often not following through. People love to follow me at first. But later? They can feel let down. Forgotten. Abandoned.

The “benevolent” part mattered, Steve said. He knew my intentions were good. But he still saw something real—and hard to hear.

I’ve never forgotten that moment.

It’s what it feels like to meet your shadow.

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What’s in the cave?

INT. DAGOBAH – GREAT TREE – DAY

Luke looks wary as he eyes the dark entrance of a mysterious cave.

LUKE
What’s in there?

YODA
Only what you take with you.

Luke buckles on his weapon belt.

YODA
Your weapons… you will not need them.

Luke gives Yoda a long look, then turns and marches into the cave.

What happens next is one of the most famous scenes in The Empire Strikes Back. Luke walks into the darkness, encounters Darth Vader, strikes him down—and when the helmet cracks open, he sees his own face inside.

He doesn’t meet his enemy.
He meets himself.

That’s the cave.

That’s the shadow.

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Your shadow is you.

Carl Jung called it “the shadow self.”
Joseph Campbell called it “the road of trials.”

We all have one. And eventually, we all have to face it.

But here’s the twist:

Your shadow is you.
Not the whole you. But a real part of you.

The more you run from it, the more power it has over you.
The more you pretend it’s not there, the more it drives your decisions.

To become whole, you don’t kill the shadow.
You listen to it.
You befriend it.
You let it tell the truth you’ve been too afraid to hear.

Here’s how some wise voices have put it:

“You cannot heal what you do not first acknowledge.” — Richard Rohr

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” — C.G. Jung

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So what does that mean for you?

It means you’ll know you’re meeting your shadow when something is revealed to you that makes you say:

“Oh no. Please don’t let that be true.”

But deep down… you already know it is.

Just like I did when Steve’s words ambushed me at the Irish Pub.

The shadow shows up in anger, envy, pride, self-righteousness, projection.

It’s always the thing you hate most in other people… because you haven’t faced it in yourself.

And when it shows up, you have a choice:

You can run. Or you can stay and listen.

That’s the call.

And the moment you answer it…
Your truest adventure begins.

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Okay… but what do I actually do with my shadow?

Carl Jung said the shadow must be confronted and integrated—not buried or eliminated.

That’s not easy. But here are three small, brave steps to start:

• Name it. Write it down. Say it out loud. Let it exist. (Yes, even the ugly parts.)

• Get curious. Ask: Where did it come from? What does it want? What might it be protecting?

• Tell someone safe. A friend, a mentor, a therapist. Shadows shrink in safe, honest spaces.

You don’t have to fix it.

You just have to stop pretending it’s not there.

Integration starts with honesty.
Wholeness begins with acceptance.

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Next up in the Shadow Series: The Dark Night of the Soul.

You’ve met the shadow. Now what?
You sit in the dark.
And you wait for it to speak.

That’s tomorrow.