What To Do When Your Life Crashes

Part Two of a new series: Now What? 12 Centering Practices When Life Goes Off Script.

Heighten and Explore

If “Agree and Accept” is the yes, this is the and.

I’ve had the chance to teach a lot of beginners how to do improv comedy. And you see the same mistakes over and over.

The big one we covered in the last post is denial.

It looks like this:
Two people start a scene. One opens with, “Doctor, we have a problem.” The other says, “I’m not a doctor, I’m a zookeeper.”
That’s denial. The story stops cold.

You need to say yes — “Yes, you are a doctor” — or the story goes nowhere. Denial usually happens because you’re nervous and came in with a preplanned idea. You weren’t in the moment, so you rejected your partner’s reality.

The good news? That’s often easy to fix in a few classes. People learn to agree.

But the next part is harder.

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The Power of “And”

This is where you add to the story with each response.

An early improviser might hear, “Doctor, we have a problem,” and simply say, “Okay,” or “Clearly,” or “Not again.”
That’s not denial (yes), but it’s not and.

The more common way to avoid “and” is to ask questions:
Doctor, we have a problem.
What’s that?
The patient is coughing.
Which patient?
Mr. Smith.
Where is he?

See how it goes? You’re agreeing, but you’re making your partner do all the work.

A good improv scene says yes, and:
Doctor, we have a problem.
Yes, Nurse — I have lost the patient.
Yes — and we still have time to find him before the surgeon arrives.

Now we have a scene.

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“And” in Real Life

In improv, and pushes the scene forward. In life, it does the same thing.

And is action.
In improv, we call it heightening and exploring — taking the situation we’re given, accepting it, and leaning into it. Growing it. Finding what we can add to it.

When life goes sideways and you’re navigating uncharted waters, and is essential.

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My Car Crash

A few months ago, a garbage truck rear-ended me at a stoplight.

It was jarring. If you’ve been in a wreck, you know how time slows down. I was stunned. It probably took me five seconds — though it felt longer — to just accept the yes:

Did I get hit? Yes.
Am I okay? Yes.
Who hit me? Oh, fun — a big garbage truck.
Is he okay? Appears so.

Deep breath.

Now I can and:

And call 911.
And get my insurance card.
And pull my car out of traffic.
And check on the other driver.
And take pictures. (Like this one…)

It starts with yes.

But the and tells the story.

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Why “And” Matters

In any situation where you’re stunned, once you’ve accepted reality, it’s time to take action.

By doing something, you force out the temptations we talked about in the last post:

• Denial (this isn’t happening)

• Catastrophizing (this will ruin everything)

• Self-pity (why did this happen to me?)

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An Example

You get laid off. It’s shocking. Let the yes settle for a day or two.

Then:
And see this as an opportunity.
And look for jobs.
And call friends for leads.
And write down what you really want to do.
And cut expenses.

What you want to avoid is but:

I could do this, but…
I could call my old boss, but…
I could cancel NFL RedZone to save money, but the Bengals are going to win the Super Bowl this year. (Okay, maybe this but is fine.)

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Look, I know this sounds simple. But when life crashes into you like a garbage truck and you take a few seconds to gather yourself, the centering practice to take the next step is actually very simple.

Say and.

Take one clear action.
And another.
And another.

Just don’t stay dazed and motionless — and don’t but your way into making the problem worse.

Yes, and…you got this.